In the light of the completely fictional book by Michael Wolff, ‘Fire and Fury’, which is about Donald Trump’s White House and where nothing appears to be taken from any fact whatsoever, we thought we would write a totally and heavily un-researched exposure piece on Michael Wolff, claiming that he is a “pedophile” solely based on his horrific appearance. Why not?
Yes, you can’t make this stuff up, but look, we’re doing what he does, making stuff up, so the question really is: “Is Michael Wolff a pedophile?” if that really is his real name. Answers on a Deep State postcard please.
Yes, all this from the man who wrote that Donald Trump didn’t think he would win the Presidency while claiming at the same time that Donald Trump colluded with the Russians, which makes no sense at all.
Thus, we now bring you this unsolicited and very salacious article, where we contemplate in our minds whether or not Michael Wolff is in fact just a creepy old man and a lover of children, in the worst way possible… Our reasoning behind this? Wait for it!
Just look at him! Could it be those beady eyes, that sickly pale skin, and that weird shaped head that gives it away? We’re not sure, but we promise to look a little closer.
Could he be one? Your guess is as good as ours… This photo could after all double up as his future mugshot after such an arrest, couldn’t it? Credit: BusinessInsider
They say never judge a book by its cover, but sort of like how Michael Wolff judged President Donald J. Trump way before he came up with the cover of the book (or even wrote it), we felt that we could just go ahead and write whatever we wanted to, using his appearance as the forefront of this article. It’s the age old counter statement of never judge a book by its cover, you see?
Well, here he is again…. This time, spotted outside an elevator, using his cell phone and what is he doing on that cell phone exactly? Well, to us it appears that he’s….
Allegedly, we stress allegedly, but since our inside sources say that he’s 100% texting an under age teenage boy from China, were going to run with that idea. Yep! Credit: SouthChinaMorningPost
You never know, do you? Now, we’re not saying that ‘Fire and Fury’ is just a fake book commissioned by the Deep State for looney liberals to read, but we sort of are in a nutshell. However, since we have to stay on fact, before we get back to our entirely untrue and unverified reporting on the author himself, we bring you this next picture, which should put our claims down to be entirely true, without any questions asked.
Here’s our biggest evidence so far, just look at this picture and tell us what you think he looks like, please. Credit: RawStory
Yes, shocking indeed. Could it be that evil and creepy smirk on his face, is hiding sinister pedophilia intentions? Is that Ice Cream striped button shirt that he’s wearing under his blazer yet another sign of the same thing? We’re not sure, but there surely is something very unnerving about this photograph, right? But wait, there’s more! In this next image we see him with his evil pinky finger, something that a pedophile might do, after offering a child chocolates, just before he’s intending to strike.
Ssshhhhh! Credit: LipstickAlley
Simply uncanny, right? Yes, this evil author sure has skeletons in his closet, that we just don’t know about yet, but he’s probably now going to be the subject of some investigations on his very own character, given his fake book, don’t you think? You’d think places like 4chan and other places where those internet researchers lurk, might just do that now, but who knows? We certainly don’t..
Here’s his foreword for ‘Fire and Fury’. Credit: Twitter/BenjiSarlin
Yes, settle on a version of events, he writes, which he thinks is true. So… Once again…
Michael Wolff clearly “settled on a version of events I believe to be true” which he wrote in his book introduction. Well, so we’re just writing what we feel might be true, as well. Funny how that works, right? Credit: Giphy
The Fake News book ‘Fire and Fury‘ is being stated as fact on all Fake News channels like CNN, which knows no bounds for any credible news, nor does this article (right now), until further notice and when we find out more about this crack pot author intending a hit with this farcical book of left wing propaganda.
So, is Michael Wolff a pedophile? He could be, but we’re not saying that he is. That’s our gut feeling on this one, so bare with us until somebody finds more researched information on this so-called author. What have some people written about this book so far? Well, go ahead and take a look and all the wonderful quotes below.
Credit: TheWonderfulInternet
Indeed, it didn’t take long before people with common sense and those who know the truth, to shoot down this book, did it? To add insult to injury, WikiLeaks have also leaked the book today, so you can now read all the garbage for free. After all, how should you be allowed to make money off of lies?
Perhaps Michael Wolff should’ve thought more about the title of his book and instead have named it, THIS!
Credit: TheWonderfulInternet
In using that above title, it may just have given Michael Wolff’s fiction book more credibility and a longer shelf life, one would think?
Michael Wolff , the “famous bloviator” as he calls himself, shouldn’t be so sensitive to false and unverified claims. A claim such as us thinking that there’s a good chance that he eats babies after molesting them. We have no evidence for this, but it’s “a version of events that we believe to be true”. Here’s the nail in the coffin, right here!
Michael Wolff spotted with a baby, that might not even be his! Credit: GfyCat
Damning evidence of the fake story author right there! One now wonders what is next for Michael Wolff? Will he be investigated for the false claims in his book? Will somebody write a fake book about him? This still remains to be seen.
Brainstain, over and out!
<Story by The Narrator>
Featured Photo Credit: Alchetron
Disclaimer: Michael Wolff as far as we know is NOT a creepy old pedophile, but you now see how the truth can be stretched when a disclaimer is placed at the front or the end of a piece of writing, can’t you?