Most people would agree that latex condoms should be inserted onto consensual penises only and not up nostrils. Yet millennials, those flourishing and intellectually stimulated members of Generation Z have once again turned to harmful and unsanitary means to garner some inkling of self-worth and all-consuming social media stardom.
The latest viral video craze to hit the net, dubbed “The Condom Challenge” sees teenagers (and equally as dumb twenty something’s who should know better) record themselves stupidly snorting condoms through their nose and pulling them through their throats before uploading their ‘achievement’ on to social media to bask in the adulation.
We are all doomed – Credit: Scallywag and Vagabond
Back in our day, children would knock on innocent strangers’ doors and run away giggling, but now they are pulling condoms from out of their mouth and slowly but surely, society is being torn apart and eradicated before our very eyes.
Here at Brainstain, we pride ourselves in being a leading figure in public health and safety, as well as doing our best to put concerned parents worries to rest, when quite frankly, they should have used a condom rather than allowing their child to snort them.
So, with more common sense than a modern-day sex education class, here are 4 Reasons Why You Should Not Stick Condoms Up Your Nose.
1 – You Could Choke and Die a Hideously (and Embarrassing) Death
This reason shouldn’t need explaining, but for stupidity’s sake, here we are! Yes, to tell you just why snorting rubber condoms up your nostril’s is totally a bad idea. The fact of the matter is, that snorting condoms could not only cause an allergic reaction and result in an infection, but it could also get stuck in the nasal cavity or throat. Not only does this then prevent air reaching your lungs, but you have exactly 2.3 seconds before you choke to death and die. And let’s be honest, nobody wants ‘death by latex’ etched onto their tombstone, now do they?
Civilisation is on the verge of collapse – Credit: Netral English
2 – No One Will Want to Employ You If You Stick Condoms Up Your Nose
Condoms should only be filled with unwanted fluid and tossed away in the recycle bin and should not be dripping with snot and coming out of your nose. Not only does having a saggy condom hanging from your nose make you look like a complete and utter moron, but it leaves you in the vulnerable position of being unemployable. Just ask those recruiters and employers that can do a quick Google search on you. That quick 2-minute video on YouTube of you forcing a strawberry flavoured condom up your nostril may have got you a few likes and new subscribers, but when you end up queueing up to claim job seekers allowance living off the welfare state, those likes will not pay your bills (or your rent).
Well, unless you are already a glorified self-centred YouTuber who does stupid stunts and acts like a complete and utter idiot for likes and shares of course (cough…Logan Paul). In that case, snort away.
Not quite sure this is how they taught how to insert a condom at school – Credit: Central Telegraph
3 – Because Snorting Condoms Up Your Nose Is Well… Stupid!
Eating Tide Pods and burning your skin on heated stoves may get you social media fame and notoriety, but when you are covered in burns or getting fed through a tube because you can no longer swallow, ask yourself, were those ‘retweets’ and ‘likes’ really worth the stunt?
When YouTube eventually ceases to exist and your social media fame has all but dried up, nobody wants to end up an old person who’s remembered for the talent of snorting latex condoms through their nose.
Condoms in theory should be stuck on body parts and not up nostrils, you see? – Credit: Journal Post
4 – How Can You Be the Generation of Change, If You’ve Got a Condom Shoved Up Your Nose?!
Millennials and Generation Z want to be respected as bona fide members of society and wish to radicalize change in the world, like amending the US constitution for example. But when you have a rubber condom casually just flapping out of your nose, it’s hard for the public (and law makers) to take you seriously. Tell us how Generation Z seriously intend to take away our guns, whilst snorting a condom up their nose?
The consequences of not using a condom for it’s intended purposes, is this! Credit: Trendolizer
Remember kids, condoms should only be used to prevent sexually transmitted diseases, and from preventing regrettable Tinder one night stands from getting pregnant and claiming child support, not be used to thrust up your nostrils.
Story by Michael Lee
Featured Photo Credit: Madness Hub
